What is happiness?
What is love?
What is family?
In the dictionary, happiness is an adjective being defined as contented, pleased; fortunate; pleasing.
Love is a noun being defined as warm liking or affection; sexual passion; loved person; feel love for.
Family is a noun being defined as parents and their children; a person's children; set of relatives.
With a good family and lots of love in it, it is considered to be having the greatest happiness in the world. But in reality, how many of us actually achieve a balance of all these 3 factors?
For me, my happiness comes from my 2 precious kids, Marcus & Melody. Their love for me are genuine as we are family. However, have I attain the highest level of happiness yet?
The answer is: NO!
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I don't feel I am that precious to anyone. I don't feel the family love & warmth anymore from my parents. I don't feel happy at all. Lots of things going through my head lately...... Am I that unwanted in everyone's eyes? Other than my 2 kids, I don't feel anybody treasuring & loving me...... I've always given out my utmost in family & relationships, but in return, I got nothing except being treated like dirt...... And I tell myself time pass will be better, but its just deceiving myself only, as nothing changes only got worse......
All I wanted is very simple...a trueful family love, genuine one.... Why must wear a mask? Perhaps I am naive to think that good deeds will reap good results...but for me, nothing...... I got nowhere and nobody to talk to... only in my dreamland then am I a carefree person with all good things in it...... I swallowed everything inside me, and I know, in time to come, things will happen to me...... Perhaps by then, really will have people caring me... But all will be too late by then...
Days had passed, weeks had passed, months had passed...but one fact remain unchanged......It's over, I know it's really over no matter what the outcome of the result will be... I felt sad things ended in this way...I am the victim, ending up losing all... This is the ugliest side of the human beings, I guess...Will resort to all sorts of tactics in order to achieve or gain something. But I am stupid to believe everything they had said to me right in the beginning... I trusted them fully, and in return what I got is their betrayal... My heart already scattered to pieces, even glued back, its still imperfect. Scars will remained in there forever... But nobody will ever understand what I am going through... Since the day I made the wrong decision on 18th June 2002, my life is ruined thoroughly....... Technology is advancing, but why till now there isn't anyone invent time travel machine??? If there is one, I really wished to go back & withdraw out from that hasty & wrong decision... I want to change my history & have a better future. But I know all these are impossible.........
Right now, I am trying hard to pursuit to the path of happiness. And I know the correct path is through my 2 wonderful kids, who give me the strength to move on all this while!
"I love you two, Marcus & Melody!"
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